A TRUE FRIEND

1. When you are sad :
I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue :
I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile :
I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared :
I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried :
I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused :
I will use little words.

7. When you are sick :
Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall:
I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end.

"Why?" you may ask: "Because I am your friend".